COLUMBUS, OH – College football fans are bracing for a monumental scheduling change. A change more daring than the woman who thought getting married during playoff season was a good idea. If Ohio State wins out, the College Football Playoff National Championship will kick off at noon. A good old-fashioned shoot out at high noon in Hard Rock Stadium.
Traditionally, the title game has been played at 8:30 PM Eastern. Which is perfect if your dream is to watch Michigan run the ball while your eyelids stage a mutiny. Between commercials, penalties, and coaches calling timeouts at the worst possible moment; the game typically ended the next day. Fans have long complained that they miss the best part of the sport: the post-game clichés. (“We just wanted it more,” “We played our brand of football,” “Nobody believed in us except literally everyone.”)
Enter the world famous, and yet totally disrespected, Ohio State Buckeyes. The Buckeyes have spent this season playing marquee games at noon, thanks to Fox’s “Big Noon Kickoff” strategy. Fans on X (formerly Twitter, currently a dumpster fire) have praised the move. It allows them to watch football, eat wings, and still have time to mock Wolverines fans. Now, CFP committee chairman, Hunter Yurachek, has hinted if Ohio State makes the title game, the kickoff will follow suit. Biggest game of the season. Big Noon Energy.
Who doesn’t love watching a comedian tell jokes on a morning show? What’s better than a metal concert in the park in the early afternoon? Who would say no to July 4th fireworks before dinner?
The idea is not without its detractors, though. Lou Holtz, who has been ducking Ryan Day for years, could be easily spotted in daylight after the game. A source close to a friend of this reporter’s cousin, overheard Jim Harbaugh say, “Some people think they were born at noon.”
There are many positives attached to a high noon national championship. The fans will find out the score in real time, instead of consulting inaccurate social media posts the next morning. Traffic will be cleared up by the dinner hour. But most importantly, no one will miss the latest episode of that new Matlock show.
What do you think of a possible Big Noon National Championship? Will ESPN survive without its prime-time ad revenue? Will Big Ten fans on the West Coast even realize the game started at 9 AM their time?
One thing is clear: the National Championship might finally be played at a time when America is awake. And honestly, that’s biggest upset of all.
🤣 that was good.