Photo credit: Carlos Osorio, AP Photos
BIG TEN COUNTRY – In a shocking twist to college football tradition, old rivals are attempting to mend fences. Sherrone Moore and Ryan Day have agreed to host a joint Thanksgiving dinner during Hate Week. Fans are confused, amused, and slightly worried. What happens when mashed potatoes meet pure animosity?
The dinner is scheduled for Thursday night and not Thursday afternoon as many Ohio State fans demanded. The rules of the dinner are elaborate starting with the menu. The menu is intended to be a blend of the rivalry. Michigan will bring a maize‑and‑blue corn casserole. Ohio State will bring a scarlet cranberry sauce. The Big Ten conference will supply the turkey, and each player will bring a side dish.
Turkey carving duties will be split between team captains, but the coaches won’t be left out. Sources say Moore and Day will compete in a “carve‑off.” The first one to 100 slices wins the event. Fortunately for Day, there won’t be a time limit.
Seating arrangements will be by position group, but a coin toss will determine who eats first. This is a critical decision. Underestimating the eating capacity of the other team could result in missing out on seconds and possibly apple pie.
Guests are allowed, but only friends and family. It’s no surprise to fans from East Lansing that Michigan does not want the Spartans to attend. It was a shock to Spartan fans when Ohio State agreed.
Referees from the SEC will be stationed between tables to watch for portion hoarding and unsportsmanlike gravy pouring. Rumor has it Jim Harbaugh may crash the event in his holiday khakis. We’re told he’s known for yanking the tablecloth while yelling, “PULL IT DOWN! PULL IT DOWN!”
Fans aren’t sure whether to laugh or panic. “If they can share stuffing, maybe world peace is possible,” said one optimistic Michigan alum. Meanwhile, an Ohio State fan countered, “This is just a trap. Conor Stalions is trying to steal Day’s recipe for stuffing.”
The evening is set to conclude with a ceremonial toast. Sherrone Moore and Ryan Day will need to work on the wording together. In the event they can’t come up with something the players will fight over the centerpiece.
The hope is this dinner will bring the team and fan bases together. Maybe even take some of the toxicity out of the rivalry. But here’s the kicker: the entire dinner might not happen. Negotiations have stalled over where to host it. Michigan refuses to eat in Columbus. Ohio State won’t step foot in Ann Arbor. The only “neutral site” is a diner in the Toledo strip. Historians have noted the similarities between this dinner and the Toledo War are too great to ignore.
If the dinner does happen expect the gravy to hit the fan before the turkey hits the table.
Reactions from fans:
@MaizeAndGravy: “Sherrone Moore should challenge Ryan Day to a turkey‑carving duel. Winner gets the wishbone; loser reports the winner to the NCAA infractions committee.”
@BuckeyeBreadsticks: “Michigan fans are always talking about how Michigan has celebrated Thanksgiving dinner the longest. If you look at the stats, Ohio State has actually eaten more dinners than Michigan.”
@SECFan1901: “If this were Alabama and Auburn the food would be better.”
Reactions from the media:
@BigTenCommish: “We fully support Thanksgiving diplomacy. Also, we’ll review the gravy‑pouring protocol in the off-season.”
@CFPCommitteeLeaks: “Dinner outcome can affect playoff seeding. It all depends on how well they handle the cutlery. Honestly, we’re looking for technique, not skill.”
@FOXCollegeFootball: “Coverage begins at 7 p.m. ET: The Rivalry Table. Sponsored by antacids.”