ANN ARBOR, MI – Reset the clock, it’s now been 365 days since Michigan beat Ohio State. Ryan Day, after 4 long years, has finally found a way to beat the Wolverines. Stifling the offense, shredding the defense, and scoring more points. No one is as surprised as Ohio State fans that this plan actually worked.
The game wasn’t without its obstacles for the poisonous nuts down south. There were claims of violence towards refs, communications interference, and even anti-flag planting hypocrisy.
Buckeyes Win, Wolverines Whiff
Ohio State didn’t just beat Michigan in 2025 — they turned Ann Arbor into a sad snow globe. The Buckeyes rolled to a 27–9 victory, holding Michigan to a grand total of 163 yards. Fewer than most Buckeye tailgates consume in quilted toilet paper. The Wolverines couldn’t run, couldn’t throw and couldn’t score. Ryan Day, once teetering on the hot seat, is now 16-0 since the last time they played Michigan. Rumor has it Ohio is planning on legislating Ryan Day’s birthday as a State holiday.
Sadly, the dominating win almost didn’t happen thanks to multiple shenanigans by the Wolverines.
The Great Headbutt Scandal
Forget touchdowns — Michigan’s biggest offensive play was apparently a headbutt. Linebacker Jaishawn Barham nearly “decapitated” one of the referees by “headbutting” him. The camera angle shows Barham barely brushed the brim of the ref’s hat, but the referee bravely holds his ground. Resisting the urge to bleed from his nose, the ref bravely returned to the game as if nothing happened. The refs, it seems, would not be influenced by this “violent attack.” Barham claims the ref misunderstood his intentions. A former ref in need of engagement for his social media claimed Barham should never play football again. Sadly, there’s literally no way for us to ever know what really happened.
Silence in the Big House
As if the headbutt wasn’t enough, Buckeye fans accused Michigan of cutting off Ohio State’s headset communications. The comms did fail and all fingers were pointed at the University of Michigan AV Club. Ohio State worked hard to turn the comms back on, but the team was too impatient to wait. To fight against Michigan’s techno-trap they scored two more times by simply talking to each other on the field. The NCAA won’t investigate until after the National Championship, but we are assured the leaks will start coming out on Monday, according to Buckeye Scoop.
Protect the M
Rivals are calling it hypocrisy, but fans are saying it was the smart move. When the game was over and Michigan was unable to defend the End Zone, Michigan defended mid-field. Ohio State celebrated and Michigan players moved to Big O formation. There was to be no flag planting after this loss.
But wait! Didn’t Michigan plant the flag on Ohio State’s field last year? Yes, they did. Did Ohio State get upset about it. Yes, they did. Is it hypocrisy? Of course. Last year, Ohio State called out Michigan for being disrespectful winners when they planted the flag. The Wolverines fail to realize it’s just not the same when Ohio State plants a flag. When the Buckeyes plant a flag it’s because the rivalry is back in the hands of true winners. Only true winners can’t plant a flag without disrespecting the other team.
Final Scorecard
Ohio State won on the field, but the biggest question remains. Will these controversies replace sign-stealing as the greatest scandal of all time?