Staff Writer – Saturday, November 1, 2025
(photo credit Jacob Hamilton | MLive.com)
ANN ARBOR, MI — Chaos erupted across Michigan Saturday afternoon when the Boilermakers invaded the Big House. Purdue tied the game early, but the real fireworks started with 1:38 left in the first quarter. Michigan quarterback Bryce Underwood completed a forward pass. Yes, a real one. With air. And velocity. And a receiver who caught it.
On 1st & 10 from the Michigan 21, Underwood fired a 25-yard laser to running back Jordan Marshall. It was quickly declared a “miracle of modern engineering” by ESPN analysts, except for Paul Finebaum, obviously.
“I thought my TV glitched,” said lifelong fan Ima Footballer, who reportedly dropped her plate of nachos in disbelief. “I’ve seen screen passes. I’ve seen shovel passes. But this? This was a pass. Downfield. And not a butter finger in sight.”
The miracle pass was followed by another shocking development. Marshall ripped off a 54-yard touchdown! Marshall skirted past the Purdue defense like a jet engine racing a steamer train.
Michigan fans, still ecstatic over keeping the Paul Bunyan statue in Schembechler hall, promptly began planning a statue for Underwood. One fan, and only one fan, tried to bring some calm to the situation. Speaking anonymously, he said, “We’re not saying he’s the chosen one, but at the same time, we are saying he’s the chosen one.”
The Wolverines now believe they lead the nation in completed passes longer than 10 yards. A stat once thought to be fictional.
Sources confirm Jim Harbaugh smiled and said, “Buy the kid a hamburger.”
Sherrone Moore, still in tears, could not be reached for comment.